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I'm quitting smoking, 5 days and staying strong!

Fuck off.

2006..

+ was amazing
+ I screamed along to baby one more time speeding down the Golden Gate Bridge
+ I spent half an hour queuing up for Sprinkles' cupcakes while chatting up with an asian version of Paris Hilton and almost got a free joyride around Beverly Hills in her SLK (I have to make this a point cuz' Sprinkles has the best cupcakes and my asian Paris Hilton is haaawwt)
+ I conquered the !@#$% maze of subway lines in Tokyo
+ Disneyland!!
+ Setting up Patiorockhouse with my sister
+ Going to art school
+ I met new people, made new friends.
+ I found my friends. A group of wacko bitchy twats I can never live without
+ No one (I know) died.

- Turning 18
- Dramas one after another
- Lost a few friends
- Losing yet another handphone and a purse
- Almost lost my passport and iPod + 3 years worth of photos and memories. I can't describe the panic caused
- Leaving the States
- Leaving Patiorockhouse
- Still depressed
- Still lonely


Despite being the most dramatic and craziest year, it's really one of the most beautiful years ever, after 2003.
Yeah, it's crazy/beautiful, yet again.

Have a happy new year, kids.
x

( architects of air + rapunsale bazaar @ loof )

Yesterday, Jane and boys and I went to the National Museum to catch Amozozo by the Architects of Air and it didn't turn out as well as I expected. Problems searching for parking lots. Long walk down to the museum. Hot hot heat in the exhibit. The boys lack of appreciation for art. Jane's DSLR bailed on us. Leaving with my awfully icky Canon Ixus. Swift 15 minutes affair. Too fucking bad it is the last day. But Jane and I passed by a bunch of chandeliers swaying from the top of the ceiling in the museum whilst walking to the ladies. It was pretty dope shit, I would love to have it at home but blech.. my ceiling ain't high enough. Well, lesson learnt though. I should just visit museums and galleries alone again like how I do everything else.

I'm back home.

I won't talk about the trip, but you should know that my self esteem is ten feet lower and my purse is crying from the excessive eating and shopping. I also bought a bottle of cocktail that cost me a bloody $40.20 from the DFS and forgot, forgot to buy cigarettes back. How could I. Fuck. Oh, I've got news. Good: I've got new lingeries, sexy lingeries! Bad: No one will get to see me in them.. unless till I get a boyfriend/girlfriend.

When in the sky to and fro, I watched Sex and the City and love Sex and the City and love saying Sex and the City. I'm a million years late but better late than never. I wish I could express my emotions into words as well as Carrie does. I wish I look as sexy as Carrie when I smoke. I wish I live in New York. New York reminds me so bad of San Francisco even though they are really different cities. I miss SF. It's incredibly painful that I can't save enough money in time to spend part of my holidays back in California where I will smile again. I miss Ryan and Trick too.

Speaking of smoking, my parents, in the past 3 weeks, both found out that I smoke and they didn't scold me. My mum didn't even tell me she knew and my dad just told me to stop smoking because it is bad for me. I love them for giving me so much freedom but I think it's so much, it's too much for me to handle. Instead, I spend all these free time locking myself up in my room and cry.

hello.




before i leave smelly singapore, i need to pen down some thoughts.

most of all, i think i have to stop being so passive for my own good and my friends too. what did being depressed and crying all these months brought me? nothing but more misery. you're so fucking weak, kyer.

yesterday, i was one fucking block of unbreakable ice but today, the ice has melted into a puddle of warm water ready for whoever comes along to suck me in. okay that sound kinda sick but my cupcake and babypoo, you know what i mean. give me some time, i will try my best to make this work. i'm seriously so sick of myself and my fucking issues that's ruining everything.

i'll take this trip to clear my mind as well. especially of how horrible a person i've become, being almost convinced that i'll be perpetually depressed and all. sigh. i will start taking my medication again, i'm too young to die right. and i promise i'll be a better person.

i just wanna thank the girls and boys for the wonderful week i had. smoking and drinking and coming home at 5 in the morning almost every single day has got me fucking burnt out. but it was all in the name of fun. i'm happy.

photos will be up when i'm back. i'm gonna miss my girls ):
please keep safe. love all long long time.

p.s. sorry amanda, i have no time to burn the photos and drop it at your house but you still love me right. i will get you something nice yup. promise.